So You Just Found Out You’re Actually a Hufflepuff

It’s not the end of the world.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about click this link;

and take the quiz. Do us all a favor and allow the brain doctors to use your anonymous data points in future research while you’re at it.

I’ve seen a lot of Hufflepuffs come up in my various social media feeds. Next would be Ravenclaw followed by Slytherin. Finally is Gryphondor of which I have seen zero. But this is also not surprising.

Most people would be Hufflepuffs when you think about it.


Look at the actual questions you answered. You probably hung close to the middle on most of them. Three, four, or fives mostly. Hufflepuffs are the average person. They would probably account for thirty five  to forty percent of the English wizarding world. Possibly more. They are the rank and file, the npc’s if you will of the stories.

This isn’t a bad thing. We can’t all be the center of everything in the grand scheme of things. It also doesn’t mean that you can’t do great things.

Like Gryffindor


While Hufflepuff is the norm Gryffindor is the ideal. It would also be the smallest house as the sorting hat would only choose those who were most likely to get close to the house ideals while still exemplifying the ideals of another house. Ron is a Gryffinpuff, Hermione is a Gryffinclaw, and Harry, well hes some amalgamation of Gryffindor and Slytherin. Neville is quite possibly the only true Gryffindor we see in the whole series. True heroes are rare folks and that is what Gryffindor exemplifies. Just about 1 in 10 would wear the red and gold.

Ravenclaw would be the second most populous house.


Ravenclaws are the thinkers and dreamers. The designers and researchers. Almost as large as Hufflepuff the Ravenclaws would be around thirty percent. They are the brain to the Hufflepuffs body. Ravenclaws need to find or create as much as Hufflepuffs need to be and Gryffindors need to hero.

Finally we have Slytherin


Numbering only slightly more than their heroic cousins Slytherin would account for about fifteen percent of wizards and witches. The only reason being that it is easier to sink to our basic desires then rise to our loftiest ideals. Still, Slytherin are not inherently evil. They are driven and tenacious coupled with a willingness to win which makes morality an even more slippery slope for them than it already is. They are true adherents to the end justifies the means. Nietzsche and Machiavelli would love them.

So there you have it Hufflepuffs, you’re in the majority followed closely by Ravenclaw. Its us weirdo outliers in Gryffindor and Slytherin that are the true oddballs.

And which am I you ask?

That depends on whether you feel like I’m trying to make the masses feel good about their house or placating you with false praise to ensure that you stay sheepish and controllable.



I keep thinking today is the 6th. Then I look at the date and see that it is the the 13th and I’m all like “what the fuck?”

And then I go back to thinking its the 6th.

I’m watching football today. And I’m all like “why is Green Bay playing Tennessee? Green Bay is playing Indy and The Titans are playing The Chargers this week.”

No Jeff, that was week 9, last week. You already know the scores as you think/type this.

I have in my mind that I’m watching “Arrival” this Thursday but that too is wrong. This week is “Fantastic Beasts” as I’ve already seen “Arrival”. (watch first then I will discuss it with you)

I’m slowly coming to grips with the fact that I’ve lost a week. I have memories of the previous 168 hours, well at least as much as I normally do. But date wise I’m just entirely off.

Probably the most humorous part of this, in a very gallows sort of way, is that this is not caused by our farce of a presidential election(though admittedly less farcical seeing as the golden coifed, cheeto encrusted rage furby beat out the lying, cheating, theiving, warmongering proxy of the “peaceful and understanding” left).

All I know is that I’m lost right now, cast adrift in time.

And I don’t think I mind all that much.

What I Want From Tonight’s Debate

​This is what I want to see and hear tonight;

I want Hillary to call Trump to task for his comments and why they are wrong and unpresidential.

I want Trump to respond with a real mea culpa, and fully own that he and he alone said it.

Then I want to see a debate about issues. No personal attacks. Just two people sparring over their vision for our country and why their ideas are right.

Cause no one gives a fuck anymore about the scandals. The scandals just play to the base and the base isn’t going anywhere. 

The candidates need to win the undecided and those who are disenfranchised and that can only be done with actual policy.

Hillary wants to tweak and streamline the current policies which, while not perfect or ideal, seem to be working ok.

30 days out and all I know about trump is Mexico pays for a wall, deportation forces, stop and frisk, bomb the hell out of our enemies, abandon our allies unless they pay, ban islam, suck up to russia, and finally the largest increase in centralized federal power since FDR because Trump alone will fix our problems because he knows best and has the best words and the biggest brain.

My vote is still in play. It will probably be in play up until I’m standing in front of a ballot.

This will be the first time since the spawn were old enough that I won’t let them fill out the ballot for me.

Because I might just end up drawing a giant flaming cock on the president part of the ballot in protest. 

Observations by Tiny

I promised to not push my own personal views in my political rants. I did not promise I wouldn’t push others. So in this, my last political blog post (at least for now) I’ll leave you with you with the wisest words I know.

Candidate observations by Tiny (age 4) based on news clips and clips from the candidates own websites


  • She seems nice
  • She needs to smile more
  • Why is she laughing like the wicked witch?
  • She needs to wear more blue
  • Why do people always say mean things about her?

On Trump:

  • Why is he so mean?
  • Why is he yelling?
  • He is a bully
  • We avoid people like that out in the public
  • He needs a spanking
  • Why is he so hateful?
  • You don’t let me act like that
  • Can we leave if he gets elected?
  • He scares me
  • I don’t like him
  • If he gets elected can I start lying too?
  • Who is that lady next to him and why does she look so sad?
  • Can we keep the funny guy instead?

The spawn have been subjected to the same level of content from each candidate in a controlled environment due to the tiny test. Out in the world they have been subjected to way more Trump because of his ability to hijack the news cycle with his outrageous demeanor. Every time she sees or hears Trump she has new observation that are at best neutral but mostly negative.

Reread those lists. One is full of the observations you would expect from a 4 year old. The other, is unprecedented. I have never seen a candidate so inappropriate to place in front of our children.

Can you imagine Donald Trump reading to a kindergarten class? Can you imagine Donald Trump hosting T-Ball on the White House Lawn? Can you imagine Donald Trump interacting with a school group that is visiting the White House?

I know this, if I had a son and he acted even half as bad as Trump does on the campaign trail I’d beat his ass. I don’t care if he’s “tellin it like it is”.

I was raised to respect women, respect people who are different, treat others fairly, not to cheat, not to abuse the system, not to lie, not to break my promises, to make the world a better place and most importantly to understand that our world isn’t inherited form our ancestors but borrowed from our descendants.

I have not seen Trump do any of this over the past year consistently if at all. I have said repeatedly that I don not fear a Trump presidency. I fear for the society that elects him though.

Seriously, take any speech he’s given, any comments he’s said and read them aloud to yourself in front of a mirror. Look yourself in the eyes while you say it. Read them to a child and look at their face while doing it.

If you want to vote for him that’s fine, just know that you are setting your sons up to emulate him and your daughters to adore him.

I believe the bible has several nice quotes about the sins of the father you might want to revisit. We all know Trump won’t.



The Department of the Common Person

There is very little I think the federal government should be in charge of. Most of the departments can probably go in all honesty. But i think we do need a new one.

The Department of the Common Person.

The concept is simple. Grab a Joe Schmo from podunk. Vet them for security clearance. Let them go anywhere in the government and just be like

“OK, but why? Explain it to me bro.”



No authority to make policy decisions. No large bureaucracy. Just one person, a few undersecretaries to cover everything and an intern or three to make coffee and answer emails. And unfettered access to the entire government to ask “Why?”

“Are we hiding the truth about aliens? Why”

“Why do we not just bomb state sponsors of terrorism back to the stone age?”

“Who exactly do we owe $8 bazillion too and why?”

“If we want to lower crime why don’t we just legalize some of the more harmless street drugs?”

“Is there really a button that can end the world?”

But seriously, think about what you would do if you had the ability to sit in a presidential level meeting and just ask why? Imagine that game of devils advocate. Forcing career politicians to explain their reasoning to someone without the years of background knowledge everyone else in the room has.

This is the actual reasoning behind the cheesy poofs run for the presidency; someone new who can shake things up. Force politicians to think outside the box. This is a way to do that without throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

Of course neither candidate will do this. It’s too radical of an idea.

“Explaining what we do and why to the people we represent? Pshaw. Pshaw I say” will be their response.



The Fallacy of the Wasted Vote

You hear it every election cycle, voting for a third party candidate “is wasting your vote. It’s a vote for my opponent. It won’t change anything.”

That’s all bullshit.

I’m sorry, my vote is my vote. It does not belong to a political party. The fact that they say a vote for a third party steals votes from them is insulting, as if they are owed every vote cast.

Every vote cast for someone who isn’t a Republican or Democrat is a message that the two party agenda doesn’t work for someone. That the message missed a voter.

I vote for the candidate who best represents what I want. If that isn’t you then maybe you need to do a better job of getting your message out. Maybe you need to connect with me on the issues I care about.

“Well, a third party candidate has no chance at winning”.

Of course not. The system muzzles them. Debate entrance should be based on number of state ballots a party is on, not poll numbers which can be massaged in anyway the interpreter likes. If your party is on 30 state ballots welcome to the debate. That is a hard enough hurdle to pass.

Don’t have a candidate to vote for? Write someone in. It becomes one less vote the winner can use to claim political impetus to push their agenda. Don’t have the option to write someone in? Drop a blank ballot.

But “not voting is a waste too”, they say.

Wrong. Dropping a ballot in which you did not specify a candidate is not. The ballot should get counted as a vote for neither but still as having been cast.

Even not voting at all is not a waste. It shows that you are so disconnected from the process that you don’t even care to show up to the polls. Why do you think every candidate busts their ass to get out the vote. Large amounts of apathetic voters makes it difficult for them to carry on their own personal agenda.

One wrong decision in office and a large swath of protesters can cost them their seat in the next election. By getting them out and behind their ideas now politicians are less likely to anger the electorate down the road.

There is one way to waste your vote though. Voting for someone you don’t believe in. The lesser of two evils argument, the fallacy of the wasted vote, the demonetization of the opposing party, the partisan gridlock, and the constant investigation of scandals both real and imagined have led us to this.

Two candidates who have high amounts of supporters only because they aren’t their opponent.

But hey, a vote for a third party candidate is a waste right?

An Apology, A Warning, Another Apology & An Explanation

It’s been awhile. Too long actually. So, sorry. I’m going to be better from here on out.


My next few posts will be highly political. You have been warned.

So sorry for those seeking the normal, humorous shenanigans that can usually be found here.

Fear not though good reader for I will not be pushing a particular political viewpoint. That way lies madness especially in the current climate.

What I aim to do is to bring some civility back to the discussion by reminding us all of some hard truths.

So no, I won’t  comment on Hillary (ugh) the cheesy poof (shudder, vomit) or Johnson (go porcupines). Feel free to comment as you see fit but know this. I will reply in kind as I see fit.

So to begin, fuck parties and especially fuck candidates.

This isn’t sports folks.

There are no teams here. No superstars or MVP’s.

Only issues.

Focus on the issues. There are dozens to choose from big and small. That is where you need to be concerned.

Choose five.

Seriously, just five.

Womens health, race relations, the economy, climate change, abortion, education, tax reform, gmo’s, net neutrality, trout breeding on the mighty Mississippi, marijuana legalization, gun rights, prayer in schools; the list goes on and on and on and on.

And best of all, most people don’t care outside of abortion and gay rights where you stand on something.

Pick five things that interest you, that affect you, that matter to you and learn about them. See where each candidate you are voting for stands on these five issues. If they have held office before you can look up their voting record even. Regardless you can now look at comments they have made stretching back decades with google. Once you do this you’ll be amazed at how many candidates deviate from their party on certain issues.

From this base information you can spiral out more if you want.

Hell, I get progressively more liberal the closer I get to my house when it comes to who I vote for. I have more in common with folks who live closer to me than who don’t. It’s why we have congressional districts after all.Federally I’m a Libertarian, at the state I’m conservative, county I’m liberal.

Notice how I didn’t say Republican or Democrat? The parties don’t really align like that anymore. This is why it’s important to focus on issues.

You will not agree with one party 100% so why pretend to. So long as I agree with a candidate more than I disagree I’m content.

By voting issues you are also create synergy among the candidates you vote into office. They are more likely to push legislation you can agree with.

When in doubt over a candidate’s stance I employ the Tiny Test.

The Tiny Test is simple. I choose a few minutes of audio of each candidate on an issue and have Tiny listen to it. She in turn will tell me who I should believe.

Yes, I take political advice from a four year old but you know what? She is damn insightful and is way harder on the cheesy poof than I would ever be.

Why do I do this? Cause my voting decisions affect her way more than they affect me. For proof look at the demographic break down of the Brexit vote.Under 45 voted to stay. It was over 45 that wanted to leave. Who has to deal with the fallout, good or ill, for longer of that vote?

But I’ll touch on voting in another blog here soon.

All I want you to take away is this,

Focus on issues not a party or candidate.

By doing this you are better serving your own interests. Cause lets face it, in this election more people are voting against the other candidate than for one and that ladies and gentlemen is absolutely, unequivocally fucked up.

Our founding fathers are turning in their graves this cycle and for good reason.

By voting issues you can at least remove the lesser of two evils argument while making sure you are backing a candidate you can agree with and defend your vote appropriately.

Five issues. That’s all I’m asking for.